


Alt: Insanity

by PTchan



Series: Ghoul!Hide Week 2016 [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cause of chapter 2, Dark, GhoulHideWeek2016, I mean it this time, I'm Sorry, Insanity, Not a tragedy then, OOC, Other, Read at Your Own Risk, Still fail, Torture, Yandere Hide, bad, ghoul!Hide, horrible, just bad, worse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 17:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5635819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTchan/pseuds/PTchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>Ghoul!Hide Week 2016, Day 2 - Mind/Fateswap</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Ghoul!Hide Week 2016, Day 3 - Power/Change</strong>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghoul

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I would just like to point out the "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK" tag.
> 
> Second, THIS FIC IS TERRIBLE But I'm posting it anyway... and destroying whagever reputation I might have....... TTaTT
> 
> Third, yes. This is indeed Hide from YCIB going through Kaneki's torture and... yeah.
> 
> And lastly, to those who dare, I swear that THIS IS NOT going to happen in YCIB, nor is anything like it going to happen TTwTT... (although I diiid think about this route sometime last month TTwTT)
> 
> So anyways... uh... yeah... perhaps that extension wasn't a good thing for me after all.... =w=;;;
> 
> *runsandhides*

_He was drowning in a sea of red._

“181, 174, 167…” he counts down unfailingly, his voice like gravel through his parted lips, hoarse and harsh from overuse. “160, 153, 146, 139…”

He was here. He was here. He was here.

He was here. He experienced this.

_Voices._

_Far away._

Pain and torture, enough to drive a greater man mad…

Purposeless, senseless, sadistic. No reason but sick entertainment. Torture for the sake of torture.

_All while he sat in his messy apartment doing nothing but worry._

_It’s familiar… it’s comforting…_

_[Comforting? But it’s in pain…]_

“132, 125, 118, Hahaha…”

“111, 104, 97, Hahahahahahahahahaha…”

A laugh escapes him every other breath as _that thing_ in his ear jostles with every slight movement.

Lava through his eyes, a bucketful of fingers, meat forced down his throat, centipedes in his ears. Bloody hands, bloody feet, bloody lips. Pliers, knives, scalpels, needles. Over and over and over and over and over andoverandoverandoverandover.

_It’s sad… broken._

_[Why is it in pain?]_

“90, 83, 76, 69…” he probably recited these numbers too “ _hahaha_!” Knowing him he probably gave it symbolism. Probably realized soon enough that one thousand is not divisible by seven. Probably thought that meant this torture would never end. “62, 55, 48, 41, 34…”

_[He’ll make it better. He’ll make everything better.]_

Never end. Hahaha! That’s funny.

Did it? Ever end? Did it ever ever end?

How can it end? Is there an end?

_[He can’t bear to see it in pain.]_

“27, 20, 13… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” He laughed. Laughed and and laughed and laughed some more, a thousand tiny legs dancing in his ears, burrowing through his brain ( ** _I’m so messed up)_**. As he watched his toes and fingers slowly grow back in some grotesque fashion ( ** _Inhuman. No longer human. Mosnter. Monster. Monster)_**. As he was forced to choose between a mother and her child ( ** _He couldn’t. There’s no way he could do something like that!!)_**. As they both died in the end no matter what choice he made. **_(Choose the mother to save the child, and Yamori eats the child first)._**

In the end he could only laugh.

_[Because it is ‘precious’.]_

“6”

“Six”

“Sixsixisixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!”

 **_“Hi_ ** _de **”**_

His mind is a dark place.

 **_“H_ ** _i **de** Hi **de Hi** de!”_

A daaark dark place.

“Kaneki”

Filled with gothic literature and tragic novels.

“Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki”

 **_“_ ** _I’ **m s** o **rr** y. **I’** m so **rr** y!!”_

_“ **M** y **fa** ul **t.** My **f** au **lt. My fault”**_

“ _Your fault…?”_ he whispers, his eyes blurring over as he looked up.

He was in a field of flowers. Carnations as white as freshly fallen snow, as white as his hair and his skin. As the flowers around his mother’s coffin.

In front of him was a ghoul. With pure white hair and blackened nails and a single blood and black eye bleeding tears.

“Your fault…” he says again, louder this time, and another laugh escaped his lips. High-pitched and broken and delirous. “Yes...” he states, his eyes never leaving the black and white figure. “Your fault… Your fault your fault your fault” he shrieks, tears suddenly overflowing from his dry eyes and he cackles like the madman he is.

“It’s your fault. _Everything_ is your fault!!”

“This _happened_ because of you!!”

“Because you acted like you didn’t know. Pretended like you didn’t care!!”

“Your fault. Your fault your fault your fault”

“He pushed you away and you let him”

“He vanished and you couldn’t find him”

“He faced all this pain and you weren’t there for him”

“You thought you could bring him home but you failed even that”

“You failed him. You failed him. This is _all your fault_!!”

He stands, the chains around his wrists and ankles snapping like thread. And suddenly his hands were around his neck.

“ _Kaneki_ ” he whispers, like a silent prayer in the darkness as his fingers tightened over his delicate neck. “Kaneki Kaneki Kaneki…”

He takes in a deep breath, his lungs filling with rusty air, and a beautiful smile spreads over his lips.

“Die Kaneki” he prays, feeling his fingers start to dig into that flesh. “Die”

“I’m an idiot. I’m a fool”

“I left you alone. Why did I leave you alone? Why did I die to keep you alive?”

“Keeping you alive was a mistake”

“You don’t deserve to live. You _never_ deserved to live. Not here. Not in this messed up world”

“You suffer. You suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer and I only stood by and watched”

“I would do anything for you. _Everything_ for you. Kill for you, Die for you, Live for you.”

“But I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t let you die. And you only suffer more”

“I should’ve let you die. Should’ve killed you when I had the chance”

“Six. Six Six Six Six Six there is no zero. Negative one to negative infinity there is no end. You think there is no end. But ah. Ah!”

“End… Is there an end? Death is the end”

“Die, Kaneki. Die and it will all end. Everything will be over. Your abusive mother, your neglectful aunt, your transformation into a ghoul, this horror you’ve faced. Rize, Yamori, the CCG, Kanou, Anteiku, everything everything everything…

Everything will disappear…”

He cries and laughs and sobs and giggles and “You’re so messed up” he whispers, as he felt a hand grip his hair, large and harsh and clammy and Yamori’s face is suddenly in view. “I’m so messed up” he states as the ghoul laughs in glee, as a something buries itself in his chest, as red burst out of his mouth.

“Everything everything everything” the chains snap again, and he barely registers it. Something bursts from his back, and he found himself on his feet. Something creeps across his skin, over his chest and his hands, his feet, his face, and suddenly nothing matters anymore.

Nothing but the scent of blood and flesh and meat right in front of him.

“Hahahaha!”


	2. Kakuja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaan what's supposed to be Day 3 - Power/Change, ended up looking more like Day 6 - Mask/Loneliness  
> *EPIC FAIL*
> 
> I give. I can't write the pain I planned for today anymore so have a more YCIB-ish story (still won't be happening btw... but Yomo's POV Flashback actually happened.... errr.... ^^;;; ) Meh =w=;;

He knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

It was an inevitable, from the moment he saw the young blond take a bite out of a dead ghoul instead of the human victim in spite of the obvious hunger he was feeling at the time.

He knew, because no one would choose a ghoul over a human corpse unless they had something to prove.

Still, he never expected it to happen like this.

 _“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!”_ that boy’s manic laughter pierces through the air like an agonized scream, pausing only with every mouthful he took off of Jason’s bloody corpse.

The state of the room alone gave Yomo a clear idea of what had happened, of what the boy had gone through to make this happen, and guilt swelled within his normally still chest.

He still wondered if it was his fault for not stopping him.

-

 ** _“You don’t have to do this”_** he’d told him then, but the blond simply smiled at him, thoughtful, a bit too broken –far too old for his young body Yomo thinks.

 _“What is it like, being a Kakuja?”_ the blond asked instead, catching him by surprise.

Seconds passed in still silence, the blond merely smiling up at him with knowing eyes that Yomo, for the first time in a long while, felt the urge to hide his face.

He didn’t. Instead he found himself saying _“It’s power”_ he stops, taking in the way that boy’s eyes glazed over, his smile dropping. _“But it comes with a heavy price”_

Hideyoshi’s smile returns, more resigned than anything, and he stands up in a single fluid motion, flexing his arms high above his head as if he hadn’t just cannibalized for the first time in his life. “ _Doesn’t everything?”_

 _“Insanity”_ Yomo explains, watching the blond’s eyes soften. _“That is the price”_

 _“But it can be controlled unlike raving hunger”_ Hideyoshi states back, eyes hard and searching.

Yomo could only nod in confirmation. “ _Why?”_ he asks, his word clipped and incomplete, his tone far too flat to relate his genuine desire to know, but the blond seemed to notice it anyway.

 _“He wouldn’t eat an innocent human being; he would sooner starve himself to death”_ he shrugs, a casual movement, but his face and his voice relayed only grave seriousness. _“I want to honour his resolve. But starving myself puts him in danger. This is the only way”_

Yomo doesn’t ask who ‘he’ is. He doesn’t need to, with the way the blond’s gaze only ever darkens like this.

 _“Besides…”_ he whispers, his tone flatter than even his own. _“I need to get stronger. Strong enough to protect him, from everything”_

 _Protect him from what?_ He wants to ask, but he knew he wouldn’t receive an answer.

He doesn’t quite understand it, but this boy seemed to remind him a bit too much of Uta and his unseen monsters.

He doesn’t know if anyone else had noticed, apart from Yoshimura of course, but Nagachika Hideyoshi seemed to be hiding far greater things behind his eyes and his smiles than even he could expect. Heavy things. Things that seemed to weigh him down in a way he tried not to let show, things that he willingly carries by himself.

He hides behind a mask so well-crafted that almost no one notices it is there.

-

“Hideyoshi” he calls out, removing his mask and braving the feasting monster in the form of his charge.

The kakuja freezes, its kagune lowering just enough for Yomo to see his head, to see the single Kakugan at the center of the red plating covering near the entirety of his face.

He doesn’t move when the figure suddenly appears directly in front of him, when broken laughter threatened to shatter his ears, when several blood-red appendages burst from his stomach like some parasitic flower and teeth burrowed itself on the flesh of his shoulder.

He simply turns to that one black and red eye, his expression unchanging.

“You don’t have to do this” he says again, as he always does. But this time he adds on to his words, forcing himself to speak in a way he rarely ever does. “Is this the power that you seek? Is this the price that you’re willing to pay?” he asks, barely reacting when the Kakuja suddenly shoves him away, clawed hands reaching up to scratch at the mask on its face.

“Yomo… Yomo…-san…?” it says, its voice rough and scratchy, as ragged as the rest of him.

“Both you and Ken our responsibility. You’re one of us now. Whatever you feel you have to carry on your own, you don’t have to” he states.

And just like that, the Kakuja fades away, leaving only exhausted child in its wake and Hideyoshi stares at him with tired, lifeless eyes.

Bitter laughter left his bloody lips as he raises his arms to cover his face, his shoulders trembling. “Man this is so messed up” he chokes out, curling up into a ball on that desecrated floor. “That’s probably the most I’ve heard you talk and it’s about this.”

Yomo breathes a sigh of relief. “Ken is fine. Yoshimura-san left Touka with him”

And as if those words struck some unknown cord, raucous, unfeeling laughter suddenly exploded from Hideyoshi's chest, no different from his other form, and it was then that Yomo realized. 

Something had broken in the boy, something that cannot be replaced. 

"Kaneki... huh... hahahahahaha


End file.
